Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
Randomize
