i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
Randomize
