May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
Randomize
