I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
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