before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
Randomize
