He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
Randomize
