unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
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