Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
Randomize
