I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
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