I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
Randomize
