i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
Randomize
