Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
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