I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
You smell like a Billy Joel song
you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
Randomize
