dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
Randomize
