ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
Randomize
