I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
Randomize
