There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
