just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
Randomize
