where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
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