I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
Randomize
