If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
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