Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
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