remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
Randomize
