Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
Randomize
