what's Bukake?
a bad idea.
fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
Randomize
