Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
