Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
Randomize
