you guys were way drunker than both of me
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
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