how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
She's the barista slut.
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
Randomize
