There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
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