We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
Randomize
