So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
Randomize
