a queef is a wish your heart makes.
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
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