I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
69 |D_O
wtf does that mean??
it's a very specialized emoticon, means 'i heard you fucking some dude through my bedroom wall last night and so i listened intently"
he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
Randomize
