it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
Randomize
