just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
