i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
Randomize
