Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
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