I wish my penis had an off switch
your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Randomize
