she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
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