I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
Randomize
