Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Randomize
