Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
Randomize
