I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
Randomize
