I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
Randomize
