I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
Randomize
