just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
you will always have a special place in my vag
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
Randomize
