she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
Randomize
