Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
Randomize
