it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
Randomize
