You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
how do flat chested girls get laid?
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
Randomize
