At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
He? As in you personified your dick?
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
Randomize
