Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
Princesses don't give blow jobs
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
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