he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize
