Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
Naked Twister starts at high noon
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Randomize
